


We never win, but the battle wages on

by technicolored_pachyderms



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The 100 (TV)
Genre: Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/F, Gen, just using the universe not characters from star wars, mainly going to draw from the universe post endor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-05-18 04:27:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5898196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/technicolored_pachyderms/pseuds/technicolored_pachyderms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Star Wars AU (Clexa) </p>
<p>A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....</p>
<p>Clarke was raised by two former rebellion fighters and she yearns to join up with the budding resistance but is met with her own opposition. LX-0793 is being groomed to command her own legion of First Order troopers but doesn't know what she's fighting for anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Left, right, left, we all fall down

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter is short but I have the next couple planned out so hopefully it won't take too long! The first chapter is only going to focus on Lexa and Clarke, the others will come in later. :)))
> 
> (I almost wrote a pre-amble thing like in the movies but i stopped myself)

_I need to move._

LX-0793's first thoughts were of survival as she regained consciousness. She was laying awkwardly on her back with her left arm under her. She was in a haze of confusion but still alert enough to let survival mode kick in.

She tried to reposition herself to get a better look at her surroundings and cried out in pain when her left shoulder gave out from minimal effort.

Without thinking she grasped at her shoulder in a futile attempt to control the pain. Nausea started to wash over her and she slowly moved her hand away to get a look at the damage. The area where her chest plate met her shoulder cuff was charred. Her shoulder hurt like hell and she could barely move that side of her body. She remembered how it happened and felt another wave of nausea.

She'd been shot.

The blaster had hit her in the chest and shoulder. Some miracle or curse, she hadn't be given time to decide which, kept the chest shot from puncturing her armor which would've resulted in death. She wasn't as lucky with the next bolt and couldn't bring herself to inspect the damage.

Besides, she had more important things to focus on. Like the fire from the village drawing in closer and closer.

She could feel the heat rolling off of the farmhouse to her right and the flames lit up the otherwise dark village. For a brief moment she thought about calling for help but in her current situation help would probably be another blaster pointed at her. She really needed to move. Her body didn't agree and wanted to just stay where they were, burning farmhouse be damned.

The heat was becoming unbearable and LX-0793 wanted nothing more then to remove her helmet.

_'Your helmet will filter out smoke and keep you focused, never remove without permission_ ' her captains words echoed in her head, taunting her.

She tried again to pick herself up and was a little more successful. She managed to roll onto her knees in a crouched position with her right arm holding up the rest of her upper body. A few more maneuvers and she shakily got back to her feet. She scanned the area, searching for somewhere to hide out until she could get her head clear.

In the distance she made out a small shack, probably used for storage. She looked around one more time, scouting for any troopers or farmers who may pose a threat.

There weren't any survivors. That’s not how the first order operated.

_I could have stopped this._

LX-0793 shook her head, this wasn't the time to dwell on her mistakes. She needed to survive even if she didn't know what she was surviving for. Something called to her and that something wouldn't let her lie back down and let the flames consume what was left.

She managed to lightly jog to the shack, along the way she picked up a blaster from a dead trooper. She couldn't bring herself to see who it was, not yet. Even though she had betrayed her troops, she still felt responsible for them. She couldn't dwell on that now, not until she was a safe distance away and able to come up with a strategy. Her emotions got her into this mess and they wouldn't do any good in getting her out of it.

The shacks door was ajar and LX-0793 went inside, securing the door behind her. Once inside she removed her helmet with her good arm and took a deep breath of the cold air. Her lungs thanked her.

She leaned against some sort of tractor and slid to the floor. The helmet fell from her grasp and she made no effort to try to get it. In a few minutes she started to feel lightheaded and couldn't tell if it was a result of the pain or her utter exhaustion. As she drifted into an unwelcome slumber she thought of the sun.

 

Clarke climbed out of her speeder and rushed towards the crumbling remains of her home. She could have prevented this. She knew it was coming.

Well she hadn't known what was coming exactly but for days she couldn't shake this sense of foreboding. Finally she'd convinced her mother to take a trip to the nearby trading post to restock on supplies and see about some livestock. They'd only been gone a few days when they heard the news from a local scavenger.

The first order had gotten wind of resistance sympathizers and allies in the village. Her mother refused Clarkes request to go back to the village and look for survivors. It had made her furious and she'd snuck off on her own in the middle of the night.

She stood in what used to be her home and understood why her mother had warned her to stay away.

Survivors were a foreign concept to the first order. The remnants of her village was a perfect example of that.

Clarke moved further into the hollowed out structure and was surprised to find her fathers old blaster unharmed. They'd kept it in an old ammo box which wasn't as lucky. She tucked the blaster into her pocket and kept searching through the village.

It was a peaceful community, only a few of the villagers owned weapons. All in all their armory couldn't have been more than two or three rifles and maybe a couple of blasters. Heavy artillery wasn't needed on the range. The first order hadn't taken any of that into account when they razed the village.

She felt a wave of guilt hit her for the millionth time since she'd heard the news. This was her fault, at least in part.

Her parents were former rebellion fighters who'd retired after Endor. Lots of former rebels who'd moved on to the resistance visited them throughout the years but none succeeded in convincing her parents to join up. Clarkes dad would offer food and shelter to resistance fighters when needed.

She was the one who convinced her mom to continue those services even after her father passed away. Now she was a witness to the consequences of that choice.

She walked the perimeter of her families land and noticed that her fathers shed was left untouched. As she got closer she noticed a bloody hand print on the door and her heart began to race.

The blaster was still in her belt and she preemptively drew it. The door made a terrible creak as she slid it open and Clarke heard some shuffling around. She flipped the light on and was greeted by a passed out bloodied girl around her age.

Clarke gasped as she took in the full picture.

_Shit she's a trooper. Shit she's armed_

'Put it down!' Clarkes voice was surprisingly firm.

The trooper jolted awake, her eyes wide in anticipation.

“I said put it down”

The girl practically threw her blaster across. She held one arm up and Clarke walked around her nervously to check for weapons. As the left side of the trooper came into view Clarke could see she was badly hurt. Why was she still here?

'Who are you?' She kept her voice steady even as her heart beat uncontrollably

'LX-0793. Former squad leader' she didn't know why she added the last part but it felt right. She could feel herself losing consciousness again and her eyelids started to slip closed.

'Former? What the hell does that mean? Hey, stay with me!' Clarke no longer felt threatened by this trooper. She felt something but she couldn't place it. She was too badly injured to put up a fight anyway. She cautiously kicked the trooper to get her to stay awake. The girl shook her head in an obvious attempt to keep conscious.

'I say former because two blaster shots to the body made it pretty obvious I wasn't wanted anymore' LX-0793 regretted allowing her emotions to show again. Her attitude got her in trouble and almost cost her the officer program. Now it could get her killed for sure.

'Why would the first order shoot one of their elite? And an officer at that?'

She didn't know what to believe. The troopers story made sense. The wounds to her chest and shoulder were obviously done by something a lot more powerful than what her village had to offer.

LX-0793 didn't know how to answer the question without sounding like she was trying to save her own skin. The truth was a little unbelievable. She was shot as an example because she refused orders from her superior. LX-0793 may have earned the nickname “the commander” but she was nowhere near as ruthless as her own captain. When NA-2560 was chosen as the mission leader, LX-0793 knew it wasn't going to be routine riot control. The “Ice Queen” was specifically assigned to crush any whispers of rebellion.

The problem arose when LX-0793 revealed she didn't see why they needed to kill the villagers. She'd gone as far to stubbornly refuse a direct order to do so. Her insubordination had no effect on the villagers survival because she was immediately shot twice by the Ice Queen. She'd woken up hours later to the smell of burning flesh.

The resistance fighter or whoever the blonde girl was, waited for LX-0793 to reply. The blaster she held was still aimed right at LX-0793's head. Her handles trembled slightly as she held the blaster in its position.

This wasn't a soldier. More likely a farmer who saw the smoke.

LX-0793 chose her words very carefully.

'I didn't want to kill the village.'

She maintained a calm tone and answered as plainly as she could. She didn't want to reveal too much, not yet.

Clarke lowered her blaster. For some reason she believed what this trooper said. She didn't feel like there was still a threat here. She couldn't explain it but her feelings were almost never wrong.

This stormtrooper, regardless of the situation still needed her help. She took a step towards LX-0793 who shifted uncomfortably in what resembled an attempt to move away.

'We need to get that armor off of you and get you some help. Unless you are willing to die in which case I can leave. You decide”

LX-0793 was shocked. She'd expected another blaster shot and was instead being offered help. This wasn't anything she'd be trained to expect from the enemy. She thought for a moment and then waved the girl over to help. At this point she'd accept whatever came her way. There was little room to think of an alternative plan.

Clarke moved like a medic droid, removing the troopers armor to get a better look at the injuries. Most of the armor came off easily, leaving LX-0793 in a black longsleeve shirt and pants.

Her chest plate and left shoulder cuff were a little harder to remove but eventually came off. The trooper gasped in pain and Clarke almost offered up an apology but caught the words before they came out. Instead she asked another question.

“Do you have a name other than LX-0793? I don't know how the first order does it but my mom said the imperial stormtroopers used to have names” The trooper shifted again, obviously uncomfortable with the question.

“There were a few who called me “the commander” even though thats not my rank.”

Clarke looked up from the bandage she was wrapping around LX-0793's shoulder and smiled. “Well is there another name I can call you? Because if I can get you patched up I don't want to go around introducing you as “the commander” when we go for help.”

LX-0793 thought about the question. She'd never really latched onto a nickname like some of her other squad mates. She'd also never really given it any thought, some troopers just didn't get nicknames.

“Just call me Lex. That sounds like a fairly standard human name.” She could feel herself slipping again. The pain was too much.

The farmer slapped her cheek lightly “Lexa works. Not too suspicious. Just don't refer to it as a standard human name because people will definitely pick up on that”

Clarke grew silent again as she finished dressing the wound on Lexa's shoulder and moved to her chest. The blast had left Lexa with a few bruised and maybe broken ribs but it didn't look too horrible.

“Does your side hurt when you breathe?” Broken ribs could lead to punctured lungs. It would make her difficult to move without help.

Lexa shook her head but didn't say anything. Her energy was finally depleted and she just wanted to sleep.

“Please don't fall asleep. I really don't want to move you all on my own. My speeder isn't far from here so I think you'll be okay to walk”

Lexa nodded. She still didn't have anything to say. Clarke gave her a wary look and continued.

“Heres the story, you were in the village scouting for a place to settle. Its not uncommon in this area, I only recently moved out here with my mother. You were on the outskirts when the massacre took place and rushed in when you heard it go down only to be shot.”

“You think your people will buy that” Lexa didn't know if she would buy it, given the circumstances.

Clarke shrugged. “They aren't really 'my people' but they don't have any reason not to. Just let me explain the situation. You sound like a battle droid when you talk” Her mouth offered up what Lexa could've sworn was a smile but it was gone before she could analyze it.

They walked to Clarkes speeder and Lexa leaned against a pile of blankets in the back seat. She was out before Clarke even started up the ship.


	2. Everybody's out on the run tonight, but there's no place left to hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The resistance sends a scouting mission to check for any survivors. LX-0793 has to assume her new identity and decide what she wants to do with her new, reformed life.

Lexa woke to the sound of hushed voices speaking in not so hushed tones. She could tell she was lying on a bed of some kind but the room was too dark for her to make anything out.

 

“She should be fine, shes a lucky girl. I can't believe she's still alive. The first order isn't known for mercy.”

 

“I don't know what to tell you.”

 

She recognized the second voice as the farmer who'd taken her from the village. The lights were off in the room she was in and she panicked. Lexa tried to sit up and felt a hand push her back down.

 

“You're safe now, just rest.” The farmer's voice soothed her for some reason and she stayed still. Exhaustion washed over her and soon she had faller back asleep.

 

Bright lights and the sounds of ships flying overhead woke her the second time. She sat straight up and gripped her side in pain. The room was empty and the sounds were getting louder. Her heart was beating out of control.

 

The First Order. They'd come back.

 

Lexa swung her legs over the side of the cot she was on and tried to stand up. Her legs were wobbly and her injuries still felt fresh.

 

_How long was I out?_

 

Her legs gave out under her and she fell to the floor. For a moment she thought about calling out for help but realized she hadn't even learned her rescuers name. After a few minutes the farmer backed into the room, followed by an older woman.

 

“We have to move her. If the resistance finds us harboring her we could get into deep trouble.”

 

The older woman crossed her arms. “Why would we get into trouble? Clarke, who is this?”

 

_Clarke, so she has a name now_

 

She finally turned around and noticed that Lexa was lying on the group and not in her bed. “I told you to stay in bed! You could get hurt. We have to move you. The resistance sent a ship to inspect the damage and look for survivors. They won't be pleased if they find out I saved a stormtrooper.” She grabbed Lexas uninjured arm and helped her to her feet.

 

“A stormtrooper? Clarke no, this isn't some lost traveler looking for help. They are dangerous. She is dangerous!” The older woman looked furious but she maintained a calm voice. Clarke looked to Lexa and then back to the older woman.

 

“Look at her mom, she needs help and shes hardly a danger. These aren't like the troopers you fought. They are like droids with bad programming. She got shot because she didn't want to burn the village down.

 

Her mother raised her eyebrows. She continued the conversation as if Lexa weren't there. “And you believe that?”

 

Lexa felt Clarkes grip tighten on her arm. “I know that. I can feel it.”

 

Clarke's mom threw her arms up in defeat and ushered them out of the room. She led them outside of their house and into a storage cabinet filled with medical supplies and food. “Stay here until I speak with the resistance. I'll tell them our fabricated story. My name still has a lot of pull with the resistance”

 

She left them standing awkwardly inside of the room. Lexa noticed the room was filled with a lot of older rations from the Imperial army days.

 

Clarke let go of her arm and started inspecting the injury on her shoulder. She injected a pain killer into her arm “This is looking better. Maybe my mom can talk to some of the resistance people and we can join them. They can probably take care of any nerve damage you might have. And I really want to join the resistance. If you are serious about this whole 'reformed trooper' thing maybe you can join too”

 

Lexa couldn't take the kindness anymore. She couldn't handle Clarke offering up friendship to her after all she'd done.

 

“Don't you hate me?” She blurted out

 

Clarke stiffened and kept inspecting her injuries. “You aren't responsible for the village. You aren't a storm trooper anymore.”

 

Her response did nothing to assuage her guilt. “I don't understand why I'm even being kept alive. I'm a storm trooper. For all intents and purposes I'm useless at this point”

 

She heard Clarke sigh and stop what she was doing. Clarke looked into her eyes and furrowed her brow. “You aren't useless, you aren't exactly helpful but I wouldn't say you are useless.”

 

“I'm a prisoner Clarke. I know I'm only being kept alive because I'm considered valuable.”

 

Clarke scoffed. “And maybe that's how the first order worked but this is something else. I know you are still reprogramming or whatever but not everyone is out to kill you. You aren't our prisoner, if you want to leave go for it. Good luck explaining your two obvious blaster wounds to the resistance fighters out there without my moms help. Don't you have any dreams or anything? Something you wished you could do once you escaped the first order”

 

Lexa thought for a moment “I've been trained since birth to be what I am today. A soldier. It doesn't matter where I wish my life had taken me. The first order got there first. No one escapes them”

 

She reflected on her escape. It wasn't what she would call successful. She was ready to accept death the moment she felt the blaster hit her.

 

Nothing mattered. There weren't stories of troopers who were injured and taken to a hospital. She knew she was going to be left to die and she accepted that. Why bother living if you were going to be used for something you don't believe in? Why fight it?

 

Clarke is silent, lost in consideration. This is all new to her as well. She was a farmer before all of this. She'd still be on that farm if it weren't for the first order. _If it weren't for me_

 

Lexa remembered how excited she was to see battle. The simulations were one thing but actual battle? She could finally flex her skills and maybe even move up in rank. Not that she had cared too much about rank. It was just expected of her.

 

All of that came crashing down when she let her gun hang at her side while her unit started gunning down the farming village.

 

Clarke would probably never forgive her for that. Who knows how many of her friends died in that village? She's still silent when Lexa sits down and rests her head on the wall behind her. She hears Clarke sit down next to her.

 

“So you didn't choose to be a trooper but you did choose to stop being one and that's what matters here”

 

Lexa is shocked. She's still shaking off the false information she'd been fed her entire life but human reactions to these kinds of situations were not one of the lies. Clarke should be angry. She should want to kill her. How can she be so calm?

 

Clarke continued “I know what I signed up for the moment I agreed to help hide resistance fighters and provide food when needed. I made my choice and I knew the first order was always a threat. But it didn't matter because we were doing good. Now look how that ended up”

 

She was silent for a long time and Lexa thought about reassuring her that the village wasn't destroyed because of her. For some reason she felt a pull to this girl and wanted to offer her comfort, something that was foreign to her.

 

Instead she remained silent and listened to the noises coming from outside. She could make out voices but couldn't catch the words.

 

A few minutes pass and Clarke's mom reappears, followed by a taller man with a beard. He looked serious and Lexa can tell from his jacket that he is higher up in the resistance. He glanced at Lexa and then Clarke before speaking up.

 

“My name is Marcus Kane. I know your parents from the rebellion, we fought together. Your mother has agreed to come back with us to one of our bases. You'll be safe there.” He turned to Lexa and looked over her injuries with a quick glance.

 

“You are welcome to come as well. Abby tells me that you are a fighter, we can use more of those in the resistance. I have a ship waiting to transport us. Its an old cargo ship so we won't appear on any First Order scans.”

 

Lexa felt her heart begin to race again. Staying with Clarke and hiding out had been a great plan. But joining the resistance? She'd wanted to get as far away from the First Order as she could. She looked over at Clarke who was also lost in thought.

 

“I'll come with you. But I want to fight, I don't want to watch from the sidelines anymore. I want to help.” Her voice was serious as she spoke. Lexa could tell that her mom wasn't happy with the suggestion but she didn't say anything.

 

Kane nodded and turned back to Lexa. “What about you?”

 

She looked at Clarke one more time and realized she didn't want to be alone. The resistance base wouldn't be so bad, not with Clarke there to help.

 

“I'll go as well.”

 

Kane smiled. “The resistance is glad to have you both. My ship is just outside. I've brought along a small group of fighter and we picked up some recruits from an earlier stop as well. I'm sure you will make great additions.”

 

They followed him to a large cargo ship docked just outside the town where Clarke and her mother had hidden away. It was a pretty old model, as far as Lexa could tell, definitely not something that would be picked up on a first order scan.

  
Once inside Kane pointed to the left. “The crew quarters and lobby are that way. I have some matters to discuss with Abby but I'll come and get you when we're done.”

 

Clarke nodded and waved to Lexa. They walked into the lobby and found a group of resistance fighters sitting around a table, laughing. A girl wearing a beat up red jacket was laughing the loudest.

 

One of the guys stood up when he saw them enter, face beaming. He jogged towards them and embraced Clarke in a hug. He pulled away, face still broken out into a grin.

 

“I'm so glad you aren't dead. My father told me about the attack on the village and I was so worried. Did your mom finally agree to let you join up?”

 

Clarke smiled back at him and pulled away from the hug completely. “She did, and I'm glad you're not dead either Wells.” She noticed Wells staring at Lexa and continued. “This is Lexa, she was at the village during the attack. She tried to help.”

 

Wells held out his hand and Lexa took it.

 

“I'm surprised she's even alive. The First Order doesn't leave survivors.” Another of the guys spoke up. He stared at her with suspicious and walked across the room. His hair and uniform were a mess, as if he'd just come from battle.

 

A younger girl, also in uniform, walked up next to him and put one arm on his shoulder. “Maybe they got sloppy, Bellamy. Thousands of soldiers at their command, no way to control them all.”

 

“Octavia, you haven't even seen them in action yet. They don't make mistakes. I'm just saying that Lexa should count her lucky stars.”

 

Lexa nodded at his suggestion. She didn't want to speak yet. Clarkes comment about her sounding like a protocol droid echoed in her head.

 

The girl in the red jacket finally stood up from the table. “Since we are all introducing ourselves, I'm Raven. Just joined up myself. Come and sit back down so we can all get to know each other”

 

Clarke sat at the head of the table and Lexa took the seat next to her. She felt her ears burning and turned to see Bellamy staring at her. He didn't buy her story and Lexa could tell. She could feel his suspicion growing.

 

Everyone started introducing themselves and Lexa listened intently, trying to distract herself from her growing unease. Raven was a pilot and a damned good one at that, if her tales told them anything. Bellamy was a seasoned resistance fighter and Octavia was his younger sister, also a warrior. Clarke knew Wells growing up. He was the son of some higher up in the resistance and had signed up to be a foot soldier. Lexa liked him because he made it obvious wanted to be treated as a person and not as royalty. He seemed honest. It was Clarkes turn to introduce herself.

 

“I'm Clarke. I was born on a rebellion ship where my parents were stationed. My mom is a doctor and my dad was an engineer. Both fought in the resistance. We moved to this farming planet with Wells family. They left when the First Order arose but we stayed. Dad died a few years ago. And here we are, I guess”

 

Wells turned to Lexa. “What about you? Anything we should know?” He wasn't accusatory in his words but Lexa still felt frightened by the question. Her injuries were starting to throb again.

 

“I was on the farming planet most of my life. The First Order attacked and now I'm here” She didn't know what else to say. Lying to this group felt wrong but she didn't dare tell her real story.

 

Bellamy shifted in his seat. He was still staring at Lexa as he spoke up. “Surely there is more to your story than that. Who were your parents? How did you get injured?” He was practically glaring at her and she decided to glare back at him. She was in too much pain to deal with this right now.

 

“I don't really want to talk about it” Her voice was venomous and she noticed the group shift around awkwardly. Bellamy's face told her that he wasn't going to let up.

 

“Why not? Everyone else bared their soul. Why not you?”

 

Octavia hit him in the shoulder. “Ease up, Bell. What is your deal?”

 

He looked at her and the pointed to Lexa. “My deal is that I can recognize that she is lying to us and I want to know why. I was on the mission that scouted that village for survivors and you know what we found? An empty set of damaged trooper armor. One escaped and I think I'm looking right at her.”

 

Lexa stood up. She was at a loss for words. She looked over at Clarke who was equally as shocked. The ship had already taken off and she had nowhere to run to this time. Suddenly she became painfully aware of her injuries.

 

The rest of the group was staring at her and even Wells looked suspicious. He looked at Clarke, noticing her silence. “Is this true?”

 

She looked at Lexa before answering. Lexa could sense she wasn't going to like what Clarke was about to say.

 

“She was a trooper but she's reformed”

 

Bellamy's face grew red and now everyone was standing up. “There is no such thing as a reformed trooper.” He pulled out a blaster and pointed it at Lexa. She was getting tired of having blasters pointed at her this way. Wells walked up next to her and grabbed her arm. He also had a blaster pointed her way.

 

“I'm taking her to one of the cargo holds. Clarke you should come. I don't want to have to take you in too.” He sounded sympathetic but Lexa knew he wasn't playing. He had a duty to protect the resistance and as much as that annoyed Lexa, she respected that.

 

Clarke looked like she was ready to kill someone but she also knew the significance of what she'd done.

 

He guided them into a smaller cargo hold and locked the door behind them. “I'm going to get Kane and your mother. Hopefully we can work this out. I'm sorry Clarke but I have protocol to follow. I'm not a kid anymore”

 

The sound of his footsteps faded and Lexa sat down on an empty box. The painkiller had worn off and she was feeling sick from the pain. Clarke sat next to her and sighed.

 

“Kane is not going to be happy. Well at least now you finally are a prisoner. Happy?”

 

Lexa took a deep breath and leaned forward. She wasn't sure what to expect from the resistance but at least she wouldn't have to face it alone.

 

 

 


	3. Will our story shine like a life (Or end in the dark?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa isn't sure she is ready to face the resistance but she is glad that Clarke is by her side.

 

Several hours had passed and Lexa was balancing on the edge of consciousness. Her shoulder and side were in so much pain. She didn't want to pass out while she was prisoner, not until she knew what threats lay ahead.

 

Clarke appeared to be just as nervous. She probably regretted saving Lexa's life and taking her in. She didn't sense any of those feelings coming from Clarke so she relaxed. The farmer turned and caught Lexa staring at her. She looked concerned.

 

“How are you feeling? I'm about to knock these doors down. I don't like that they're putting this off”

 

Lexa shrugged and instantly groaned in pain. She wanted to appear strong but it was becoming harder and harder. Clarke moved closer and started examining her shoulder again.

 

“Probably a good idea if you stop shrugging. Your shoulder looks the same. You just need something for the pain and swelling.”

 

“You think they will actually help me? After what I've done?” She felt a surge of guilt. She still wasn't used to allowing her emotions to take charge.

 

“For what? Sneaking on this ship?” Clarke was trying to make a joke but it wasn't helping with Lexa's current mood.

 

“Clarke, you might be willing to forget who I am but I can guarantee you the resistance won't. I've killed some of their fighters.”

 

Now she was truly being honest. Clarke had never directly asked her about that aspect of being a trooper.

 

She wasn't an innocent, low level trooper who hadn't seen combat before. There were several missions before that village and she'd engaged in active combat scenarios on several occasions. Her kill count was relatively low but it was still a kill count. Those were still lives that she was directly responsible for taking.

 

Clarke's smile faded and she stared at the door, completely disregarding what Lexa said. She stood up and walked towards it.

 

“Someone is coming”

 

The door opened and a very calm looking man stepped inside. He was tall with a graying beard and Lexa could tell he was important to the resistance. Kane and Clarke's mother followed him inside.

 

Clarke's mother looked over at Lexa and then over to her daughter. She didn't appear to be concerned about their fate and this allowed Lexa to relax slightly. She still wasn't ready to let her guard down.

 

“My name is Thelonious Jaha. I am a colonel in the resistance army. Abby tells me that you were the only survivor from the village massacre. She also tells me you've renounced the First Order. Is this true?” His voice was trance-like and Lexa didn't feel even remotely threatened by him, despite his status.

 

Clarke spoke up before Lexa even had a chance to gather her response. “I am responsible for bringing her on board your ship. I vouch for her. She refused to take part in the massacre and was injured as a result. She means nothing to the First Order.”

 

Jaha nodded and made eye contact with Lexa. “Thank you Clarke, but I want to hear it from her”

 

She returned his stare and swallowed nervously before answering. “I am LX-0793. I was a Squad Leader in the First Order. I'd only recently been promoted when my division was assigned to a peace keeping mission. I refused a direct order from my superior officer and was terminated. Only the trooper who shot me missed by some miracle and I didn't die. Clarke saved my life.”

 

Her answer was calm, calculated and it reflected her training as a trooper. She hoped that wouldn't influence any decision about her future on this resistance ship. She watched Jaha and waited to hear what conclusions he'd drawn from her story.

 

She could feel his uncertainty but she was also getting something else from him. It was like part of his thought process was open to her and she could tell he wasn't going to be any danger. He'd already made up his mind.

 

“Abby explained the situation to me as well. I am willing to take a chance with you, but be warned; we will not tolerate any threat to our mission. If you start making trouble for us, you will be held as a prisoner. For now you will be assigned a small detail. I can't have a former stormtrooper walk this base freely” He turned and gestured to someone who was out of sight.

 

A few members of the group they'd met earlier came inside the room, including Bellamy. She heard Clarke huff in annoyance. Obviously she wasn't too thrilled by this choice. By the expression on Bellamy's face, he wasn't exactly ecstatic about having to watch over her either.

 

Jaha continued talking. “You won't be assigned any weapons but if you are willing, we would like to pick your brain for some information regarding the First Order. Anything you have to offer up in the form of intelligence will be welcome. You say you are an officer?”

 

Lexa nodded. He looked impressed. “We could also use your combat training expertise. I've seen troopers fight and it's unlike anything we've prepared for. Having a trooper train our soldiers would be a great asset to us.”

 

She shifted uncomfortably under the collective stares of everyone in the room. She didn't allow her false bravado to falter.

 

Training soldiers was something she was used to. Her old stormtrooper team was small but she'd taken pride in their abilities. Even if they'd resented her for her quick rise among the ranks.

 

“Will I be assigned to watch over her as well?” Clarke's voice ripped her from her memories.

 

Kane was shaking his head and Jaha smiled at her. “You aren't a soldier yet, Clarke.”

 

She started to protest and Lexa could sense a rage building in the girl next to her. Jaha raised his hand to stop her from talking.

 

“That being said, you will need training. This group can provide as much as possible until we return to the base.”

 

Clarke wasn't able to hide her smile at his words. It was odd to see someone so willing to fight. Lexa had risked everything to escape and now she was being pulled back in. She'd been existing for the sake of existing but now finally had a purpose. A call to answer.

 

Kane tapped Jaha on the shoulder and whispered in his ear. The taller man nodded and looked over at the two girls who stood before him.

 

“I have meetings to attend to. I'm leaving you under the command of captain Blake. He is one of our finest soldiers. You'll be receiving orders through him until we reach the base.” He turned and left, followed by Kane and Abby.

 

They suddenly found themselves alone with a few of the people who'd arrested them. It made for a very uncomfortable situation. Bellamy did not look at all pleased with his current position.

 

She inspected the rest of her guards. Most of them she'd met earlier. Octavia, Raven, Wells and a girl she didn't recognize made up the rest of the group. A mix of soldiers and recruits. They looked as uncomfortable as she felt.

 

Clarke broke the silence of their awkward stare-down. “So what's the first thing on our agenda, boss man?”

 

Her voice was laced with sarcasm. Lexa cringed. She was already a soldier and she knew that talking to a superior with any hint of insubordination was punished. Bellamy didn't look impressed either.

 

“Nothing, soldier. Or should I call you princess? The only reason you aren't a prisoner is because your mother was a big shot during the rebellion.” His voice was low with anger.

 

Lexa felt herself stand up a little straighter. She wasn't about to throw disrespect his way. Not when they'd come so close to being thrown in lock-up.

 

Clarke didn't say anything back to him even though it was clear to Lexa that she really wanted to.

 

Realizing she wasn't going to retort, he leaned back a little and rested a hand on the blaster at his hip.

 

“I've been assigned all of the new recruits to train. Most would treat this like a babysitting job but I don't want to dump off a bunch of untrained kids at the base. So we are going to start immediately.”

 

He gestured to his sister. “Octavia, lead them to the weapons storage.”

 

The group followed her down the hallway. She started to follow Clarke out of the room but Bellamy held up a hand and prevented Lexa from walking out. She brushed off his hand and took a step away from him. He clearly had something else he wanted to say to her. She could tell he was concerned and she didn't blame him.

 

She was the enemy. It would take a lot for her to prove she wasn't. There wasn't an immediate bond of trust like there had been with Clarke.

 

“I want to make it clear to you that I will shoot you at the first sign of dissent. Jaha might be willing to take a chance but I'm not. I've seen what the First Order can do.” His voice was angry but there was also an air of desperation.

 

Lexa was sure she knew why. He'd fought this decision. He wanted her to know that without completely disregarding his orders. Despite his unease, he was still a good soldier.

 

“I've seen what the First Order can do as well. I won't do anything to harm anyone here” She met his glare as she said this. Every word she said around him would have to be said with as much care and clarity as possible. He was trying to get a read on her.

 

He seemed to accept her answer and stepped out of the way. She stepped out into the hallway and almost ran into a taller woman with light colored hair. Bellamy was right behind her and he nodded to the woman.

 

“You need to get to a medic. This is major Anya Rubus, she is going to take you there. She's also going to assist with the training until we get back to base”

 

Lexa looked at the woman and understood the message. This was her new jailer. Bellamy didn't want to risk anything. He left them standing in the hallway, both trying to get a read on the other.

 

She smiled at Lexa. It felt sincere so Lexa offered a thin smile in return.

 

“I'm told you are the reformed trooper? Bellamy doesn't like you at all, I'm sure you've figured that much out. We've all lost people to the First Order. Also please call me Anya or I won't respond” Her voice wasn't unkind.

 

Anya led her down the hallway and to the med bay. Clarke's mother was speaking with two young medics when they arrived. She immediately cut off her conversation and rushed over to Lexa's side.

 

They hadn't spoken since before the ship had arrived to take them away. Lexa realized she'd never exchanged words with this woman. Abby examined her shoulder without saying a word and she didn't feel the need to add anything to that silence.

 

“I'm going to give you some more pain medication. The ship isn't equipped enough for us to run scans on that shoulder. That's a battle we will have to face when the ship lands.”

 

She applied new bandages Lexa's shoulder and inspected the wounds. Her face looked just like Clarkes and Lexa found herself staring. She tried to understand what the doctor was thinking and accidentally made eye contact with her. She matched gaze as long as she could and eventually broke away.

 

“Clarke is young but she isn't ignorant. She is special. I know she trusts you and as much as I disagree with that choice, I trust Clarke. Jaha wasn't lying when he warned you not to cross us. We've watched the Empire fall and the First Order rise. We aren't afraid to take out threats, however young they appear”

 

Again Lexa found herself unable to come up with the words to explain herself. She really didn't appreciate the amount of threats she'd received in the short time since she'd joined the resistance. Instead she just nodded, feeling slightly ridiculous. She still hadn't exchanged any words with Abby.

 

“I'm not with the First Order anymore. I won't harm Clarke.” Is that what she wanted to hear? One trooper wasn't a threat to the entire resistance, not with a whole group of soldiers on her tail. Abby was worried about a perceived threat to her daughter.

 

Abby seemed content with Lexa's response. She finished applying the last bandage and took a step back to inspect her work.

 

“I'm not clearing you for duty until the movement is back in that shoulder. I can't babysit you so I'm hoping you are as willing to heal.”

 

Anya spoke up. “I'll make sure she doesn't ruin the lovely job you've done on stitches and bandaging.”

 

She gestured for Lexa to follow her and they exited the room.

 

Lexa was getting a nice tour of the ship. It was an incredibly large cargo freighter. Older, by the looks of the materials used for its construction but still a viable ship. The First Order wouldn't look twice at a ship like this. She was impressed that the resistance could afford a vessel this large. It wasn't a secret that they were an ill funded group. The mostly relied on recycled rebellion gear.

 

“Bellamy is just showing the recruits what we have to work with. We can't exactly conduct target practice here so its mostly going to be show and tell. Maybe some strategy.”

 

Anya was pretty talkative and Lexa liked that. She wasn't going to be lost as long as she listened to what this soldier had to say. Anya wasn't afraid of her like the others.

 

Weapons training. She remembered her first time handling a gun. It came naturally to her and she'd quickly risen through the ranks on skill alone. As she got older the emphasis moved away from basic skills and focused on working as a team.

 

Leadership was something she excelled at but unfortunately her style of leadership was frowned upon. She was ruthless in simulations and active combat, but she still made and effort to make sure her team was safe. As hard as she fought it and as hard as she was scolded for it, she'd felt a responsibility for them. She'd been held back from several promotions for her refusal to leave anyone behind.

 

She could still recall every conversation NA-2560 had with her regarding that issue. Her duty was to the First Order, not the individual troopers. If she kept up her attitude she'd be sent to join the regular infantry which was code for instant death among the troopers. The mission to wipe out the village had been her last chance and she couldn't deny her nature anymore.

 

“Are you alive in there, trooper?”

 

Anya's voice yanked her out of her thoughts. She'd stopped walking and was punching in a code to open the door in front of them. The door slid open and they entered what appeared to be a poorly constructed armory. The rest of the recruits were huddled around Bellamy who was holding up a DH-17 blaster pistol.

 

Lexa walked upto the group and took a spot standing next to Clarke. The training session was less intense than the one's she'd attended in her youth. He was explaining the differences in the weapons they had available to them. Eventually he noticed that Lexa had joined their group and frowned but continued his talk without interruption.

 

The lesson continued for several minutes before he returned the pistol to a storage box behind him.

 

“That's enough information for today. Anya will lead you to the mess hall.” He smirked at the mention of mess hall.

 

The “mess hall” was a large storage room which had been re-purposed to include tables and crates for seating. Each recruit was handed a package which Lexa recognized as old rations from the Galactic Civil War.

 

They all took a seat at one of the larger tables. Lexa sat away from everyone else. She didn't want to push her boundaries and could sense the unease from everyone. Clarke sat next to her and began adding water to her rations. She watched the former farmer tear into her polystarch after it had solidified.

 

Lexa was used to military-style eating and had no issue eating the barely palatable prepackaged food. She overheard some of the others complaining about the meal despite their efforts to keep their voices down. Clarke was staring at them and Lexa could feel how angry she was. She couldn't exactly place why she was upset and didn't feel like asking. It wasn't in her nature to initiate conversations.

 

“I can't believe you think the T-65 is the better starfighter? Not when the T-85 is out there, and kicking ass if I might add”

 

Raven's voice broke out of a whisper. She was staring at Octavia with wide eyes and the remainder of her polystarch in one hand. The other girl was working on a bite of veg-meat and held up a finger in a non-verbal attempt to defend herself. She swallowed down her food quickly and shook her head slowly.

 

“I didn't say that, I did not say that. I just said I prefer flying the older models. I just know how they handle.” Octavia smiled at Raven who still looked bewildered.

 

“I can't believe you've had the privilege of flying an '85 but you still stand by those ancient machines. I also can't believe you've found a T-65 in working order. Those belong in a scrap yard” She set her food down and leaned back to stare down the table. She made eye contact with Lexa and grinned.

 

“Do you have an opinion on which class of X-Wing you prefer, miss trooper? Or are you more of a TIE fighter gal?”

 

Her voice was still playful but Lexa felt like she was being set up. So she chose to ignore the question and keep eating.

 

She wasn't actually a pilot. They were divvied up at an early age and her flight simulator scores were never high enough for star fighter school. But the rest of the group didn't need to know that much about her, not when she knew so little about them.

 

Raven let the question go unanswered and turned back to Octavia to continue her discussion. She occasionally glanced over at Lexa. She probably had a million questions regarding First Order tech and part of Lexa wanted to answer them. Another, darker part wanted to hide any and all associations between her and the First Order.

 

She heard Clarke grumble something under her breathe and she turned to see what the problem was. Wells had joined them at the table and he was also keeping quiet. Clarke wasn't happy with him for some reason.

 

“You aren't going to point a blaster at me while we eat?” Clarke's voice was harsh and Lexa felt herself recoil from the words, even if they weren't directed at her. She was unaware that the farmer had this level of ferocity in her.

 

“I'm a solider now, Clarke. I can't let you bring in a random storm trooper unanswered.” He kept his eyes trained on the table as he spoke. Lexa didn't blame him for the way he'd reacted. She would've done the same in his position. Clarke however wasn't as forgiving.

 

“I'll remember to clear all of my decisions with you in the future” She practically spat the words out. She turned and faced Lexa, disregarding the boy next to her.

 

“How did the visit to med bay go?” She was trying to ignore Wells and using Lexa to do so, which made Lexa uncomfortable. She wasn't used to this kind of social interaction.

 

“I'm not cleared yet.” Clarke didn't really care about the response so Lexa didn't put any effort into it. She was trying to make it clear to Wells that she wanted nothing to do with him. Lexa thought she was acting childish, especially for a soldier.

 

The rest of the group quieted down and Lexa turned to see what was going on. Bellamy was standing at the end of the table.

 

“Sleeping quarters are next door. I've just been informed that we are going to arrive at base ahead of schedule. Tomorrow will be a long day so make sure to get some rest.” His speech was short. Lexa could tell that the stress from the day had worn him out.

 

Everyone started to exit the mess hall and Lexa followed last. The sleeping quarters were built like a standard ship with rows of bunks built into the walls. Each bunk had a small pad and sheet.

 

She chose a bunk at the lowest level and Clarke chose the one above her. For some reason it was comforting to know that Clarke was sleeping close to her. She could tell Clarke was also relieved.

 

The bunk wasn't the most comfortable in the universe but Lexa appreciated it after the long day she'd had. She was exhausted.

 

She was used to returning to her bunk and passing out from the day's training but this was different. Her mind was exhausted in ways she'd never experienced before. She knew she would have to build up trust between her and her fellow recruits but she didn't sense a threat from any of them. No one was going to try to take out the trooper in her sleep. She felt slightly ridiculous for worrying about that.

 

Her head barely touched the pillow before she fell into a deep sleep.

 

 


	4. And I try so hard to keep it inside (So no one can hear)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa excels at military training but not so much when she'd off the field.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took a while but here is the next chapter. there is a bit of a time jump in the middle- like 6 weeks, nothing much

A light drizzle accompanied their arrival to the resistance base. The air smelled like wet duracrete which was comforting to the young recruits. They huddled by the exit ramp of the ship, too distracted to make the first step on to the base. Octavia nudged through their small group and hopped off the ship. She felt waves of comfort coming from the young rebel. This was her home, Lexa realized.

Lexa waited until everyone else had exited and took a step down from transport ship. She stretched tentatively, the ship was cramped and they'd spent a long time on it. Her shoulder was mostly healed but she didn't want to take any risks.

Several days of rest had allowed her to regain movement in her shoulder. Dr. Griffin released her for active duty but warned her to not overdo it. The injury was severe and even if it felt completely healed there was still damage under the surface.

She'd spent the past several days consulting with the leaders present on the cargo ship. Every secret, every small detail about the First Order she could recall, she handed over. They were surprised by her willingness to reveal everything.

In the past the captured troopers they've encountered refused to speak, indoctrination from a young age holding their tongues. Lexa was different and it was a difference that was welcomed. She suspected that a few even thought she was playing spy. She did her best to appear sincere in all of the discussions and intelligence she gave forth.

“If you follow Octavia she will direct you to the barracks to drop off your things. I will come and get you when I've received my orders. Don't get too comfortable”

Bellamy picked up his duffel bag off of the ground. He looked back at his group one last time before heading off to his own quarters. Anya and Wells followed behind him.

“Alright, this way. It's not as shiny as some of the newer bases but this one is going to home for us. The barracks are still very comfortable, even if they've been around a while” Octavia was their age but it was obvious she'd spent most of her life in the resistance.

The barracks were much larger than the sleeping quarters from the cargo ship. They were still barracks so Lexa didn't expect much from them. Everyone sat their bags down. Clarke took the bunk next to Lexa and smiled at her.

“Might as well stick together, now that we're both in this.”

Neither of them had any possessions. It was a last minute decision for them whereas the otehrs were actively recruited for their skills.

They weren't given much of a break before Bellamy entered the room. He'd changed out of his combat outfit and now wore a yellow sweater with ranking insignia on the breast. A mismatched flock of younger recruits formed an entourage behind him.

“I've received my orders and it looks like I'm going to be stuck with you for the forseeable future. Jaha doesn't want to split us up now that we've gotten to know each other. We're also gaining some recruits from a different base.”

Raven and a few of the new people started to protest and Bellamy held up a hand.

“Before you start, I understand that some of you are pilots, we haven't forgotten. The resistance prefers to train all recruits in the same fashion before dividing the pilots into their own squadron.”

Lexa felt a wash of relief. She wasn't going to be separated from Clarke. She could sense that Clarke felt the same way. She couldn't explain the feeling, she just knew.

The rest of the group wasn't so bad either. Raven and Octavia were both very friendly. They didn't seem too bothered that she was once a stormtrooper. Instead they appeared to respect her for her decision to desert that life.

“I don't care which planet or system you've come from, you are all now part of the resistance. We are all here for the same reason, to halt the spread of the First Order. We don't have time for introductions so, if you will follow me, we are headed to the weapons range.” Bellamy was very direct. He obviously took this assignment seriously and was desperate to prove himself. To who, Lexa wasn't certain.

She enjoyed getting to see the resistance base. Her entire life up until this point was dedicated to learning everything there was to know about warfare and being the perfect soldier. She'd never been in a military situation that was at lax at this. No one was in uniform and everyone greeted each other informally.

Several people greeted Bellamy and Octavia as they made their way through the base and a few even offered them hugs. They were clearly beloved members of the resistance. Octavia was as new a soldier as them, she'd just been born and raised here which afforded her a different perspective than the rest. She was the only other recruit that Lexa could relate to. Both were raised on a military base and both had first hand experience with the First Order.

Octavia was pretty humble about her experience, it was clear she didn't want to become the outsider of the group. Every story she told them was downplayed in some way but Lexa could tell she had a lot more to offer than she let on. From her stories it was obvious that she was an experienced pilot for her age. Her flight simulator scores were so impressive that Kane had allowed her to go on a few low threat level missions despite a lack of formal training.

They arrived at the weapons range and a few officers were already waiting on them. Lexa recognized one as Anya. The other two officers scanned over the recruits, as if they were looking for something. One of them locked in eye contact with her and she realized that she was what they were looking for. The rogue trooper who joined the resistance. It was obvious that they were not happy to see her among the fresh new faces.

Despite being older and higher in rank, the officers waited on Bellamy to give his command. He looked at both of them before stepping forward.

“Everybody pair up. We're going to focus on the EL-16 since it's one of the more common weapons you are going to encounter. Its outdated, but you will soon learn that most of what we have here is. Doesn't mean it works any less than some shiny new piece. Absolutely no one should fire this weapon until I have approved of your stance. Go ahead and pair up and stand by one of the tables over there.”

He pointed to the range. Several small tables were set up with a blaster at each. Lexa awkwardly looked over at Clarke. She didn't want to outright ask to be her partner but she didn't want to end up with someone else. Clarke read her expression and nodded over to the nearest table.

“Lets take that one.”

They stood shoulder-to-shoulder and Clarke was the first to pick up the rifle. She stood in a clumsy stance and tried to aim with it. Her eyes were squinted as she held the rifle flush witht the center of her chest. .

Lexa shook her head and smiled. She'd spent a lot of time training young troopers and was familiar with newbie mistakes. Clarke noticed her grin and frowned.

“What?” She sounded aggravated.

“That's not the right stance. Here, let me show you”

Lexa walked over and Clarke reluctantly held the rifle out to her. “You have to hold it like this.”

She rested the butt of the rifle on her shoulder and held it steady. A whistle and slow clap made her drop her stance. She turned to see Anya standing behind her.

“Not really new to this, huh? You stay with Clarke but once she's got it, help some others. A bunch of these kids grew up around rifles but you're the only one who seems to know how to hold one without getting hurt.”

She left them alone and Lexa handed the rifle over to Clarke who looked slightly annoyed. Part of her must've wanted to show off to the officers. Lexa thought she shouldn't blame herself, she was only good at it because she'd had an entire life's work of training.

“Try to mimic my stance. It's really simple to pick up. I'm sure you'll be great” She was familiar with teaching others but not as familiar with offering praise or hope. In the First Order you either picked up the training or you were punished.

Clarke tried to mimic what Lexa had shown her. She lifted the rifle and pressed it up against her shoulder. Lexa moved in closer and adjusted where her hands fell on the rifle. She looked up and Clarke was watching her intently. They were face to face and Lexa felt her cheeks flush. She moved back to give Clarke some space.

The former farmer had the right footwork. Her stance was near perfect overall so Lexa gestured for Bellamy to come over. He took one look at Clarke and nodded.

“That's a good stance. Wait on the others” He moved on to a different group and started correcting their form.

Lexa scanned over the rest of the trainees. A few of the recruits were still struggling to figure out how to hold the gun. She walked over to the nearest group with the intention to help like Anya had asked.

It felt awkward walking up to the two girls who she'd never met before. Normally this wasn't something that bothered her but these weren't her normal circumstances. As an officer-in-training she'd been expected to help, here she was just another recruit.

“Let me show you how to hold that properly” The two girls exchanged a glance. The shorter one handed over the rifle. She was staring at Lexa with a really weird expression on her face. Like she was trying to figure out something about her without asking.

Maybe I should introduce myself?

“My name is Lexa, Anya asked me to help out” She watched as something clicked in the shorter girl's eyes.

“Oh, you're the trooper. My name is Monroe and this is Harper.”

Everyone knew who she was, no big deal. There weren't any secrets in the First Order either. This wasn't going to be hard for her to get used to. Lexa nodded and lifted the gun to replicate what she'd done countless times before.

“Now you try, the key is to keep a good grip on the weapon. Make sure its pressed up against your shoulder. A steady weapon will lead to steadier shots”

The taller one, Harper, took the gun and dropped into a perfect stance. She was a natural.

“That's perfect. Have you done this before?” Lexa tried to ease the very obvious tension between herself and the recruits. Conversations were hard for her, she was used to talking about missions or taking orders. She didn't really have any personal information to share.

Harper lowered the gun and handed it over to Monroe so she could practice. She didn't answer Lexa's questions and it was clear she didn't want to engage in a conversation either. Monroe was also a natural at it so Lexa retreated back to her table.

She wanted to go from group to group and help out but she didn't want to make any of the other recruits uncomfortable. She clearly wasn't welcome with everyone.

A sharp whistle drew everyone's attention to the back of the weapons range. Bellamy stood with his arms crossed, his usual stance.

“Before we begin fire practice, I want to make something clear. Everyone in this room is under my command. We are a team. We do not have the luxury of time to not get along. The past is behind us, in front, The First Order” He searched over the young faces that stared at him. He wanted them all to recognize he wasn't joking. Lexa matched his stare when he looked at her and he nodded to her. She was included in his statement, was probably the reason he made it to begin with.

No one argued with him even though several looked like they wanted to. Lexa didn't blame them but she agreed with what Bellamy, they didn't have time to focus on everyone's dark secrets. The resistance didn't have a rigorous training regiment and soon they'd be facing their first battle. If they wanted to succeed or even just survive it, they'd need to deal with her presence.

“Now we're going to walk around and work with each of you to go over the basics. The group who I've spent time with is familiar with this but I know some of you just joined up. Colonel Green and Colonel Pike are going to help out. They belong to a different division but have volunteered to help move along your training”

And to probably keep an eye on me. Lexa thought as she watched both colonel's head her way after Bellamy finished speaking. They starting helping the groups on either side of her so she turned her focus back to the training session.

Clarke picked up the rifle and aimed it down the range. She still tried to aim with her eyes squinted and Lexa opened her mouth to correct her. Before she said anything, Pike was there.

“Both eyes open Griffin. How can you see the target with your eyes closed like that?” His voice was stern but he had a smile on his face.

He turned and looked at Lexa. She could tell by just one look that he didn't trust her either. This act was getting old but she dealt with it. She was hardly in the position to complain.

“I normally teach outdoor survival training prior to mission launch. I decided to help out here. Young minds are the easiest to work with”

Clarke wasn't really listening but Lexa saw her nod. He was talking directly to Lexa. He, like everyone else she'd encountered, wanted her to know she was being watched. His voice was a lot more threatening. He wasn't going to give her a chance, not like the others. His mind was made up about her and she got the impression that nothing she did would change that.

“Go ahead and take off the safety. At the end of the range you should be able to see some cut outs. Aim for the chest to start out.”

He left them alone without saying anything. Lexa felt uneasy after speaking with him, like there was some larger plan afoot that she wasn't aware of.

The range began to fill with the sound of blasters going off and Lexa felt her heart start to race. Her shoulder started to throb and her mind flashed to the dozens of battles she'd taken part in. She felt a hand on her shoulder and jolted back.

Clarke was staring at her, concern covering her face. “Are you okay?”

She took a shaky breath and nodded. How she been that obvious in her moment of panic? Battle scenarios weren't foreign to her, they were more familiar than normal scenarios. She wasn't sure what frightened her, why the sound and scent of blaster fire brought her back to that.

“Do you want to practice? Or maybe help me out? I'm only hitting the arms and legs. Which I'm sure will stop an enemy but thats not the assignment” Clarke's voice was soothing. It brought her back to this reality.

“Let me take a few shots so you know what to do” Lexa went back into teacher mode. She took the rifle and stared down the range before lifting it. Clarke moved closer and stared intently at Lexa's form.

“Each weapon is calibrated differently, especially these older models. You'll generally need to fire off a few shots to get a better idea of where the bolt ends up.”

She shot off a few and then lowered the rifle. The weapon was incredibly outdated and she wasn't used to dealing with that issue. Her shots ended up being further off than she'd wanted.

“This one fires off slightly down and to the right. That means when you aim, you'll need to correct that.” She aimed the weapon and fired one shot, hitting the target square in the chest.

A smile greeted her when she turned to hand the weapon back to Clarke. She was impressed. Lexa felt herself blush for the second time during this training session.

“I don't know if I can do it as well as you but I'll try” She tried her hand at the rifle again, this time with more success. Lexa was surprised at how quickly Clarke seemed to pick up this skill.

After what seemed like hours, Bellamy dismissed the group for the day. It was getting late and he was losing their focus.

“Tomorrow we will start the day early with fitness training. Make sure to get some rest” He left them and headed to his own quarters.

The group wearily slumped back to their barracks. Between traveling to the base and spending a day in training, they were all exhausted. Lexa wasn't tired at all and wasn't looking forward to bed like everyone else. She was used to a schedule that was a lot more rigorous.

The barracks were still empty when they returned. Lexa sat on the edge of her bunk and stretched. Several of the others were gathered in small groups talking with one another. Clarke sat on the bunk across from Lexa and yawned.

“I am not looking forward to fitness training in the morning. Are you great at running, like everything else?” She didn't specify why she thought Lexa would be a superb runner. She'd caught on that Lexa wasn't the biggest fan of recalling her time in the First Order.

“I'm okay at it, I guess. It's not really a skill but more of a necessity. You want to have good stamina in battle otherwise you could lose focus, get sloppy and get hurt” Lexa explained. Always the teacher.

Hushed whispers and glances from some of the other recruits were starting to make Lexa uncomfortable. She sat up straight and lifted her chin in an attempt to show that she wasn't bothered by them. Even if it wasn't true. Clarke picked up on her discomfort and looked to the whispering group and then back to Lexa.

“I think I'm going to stick with you while we finish up our basic training. You are an asset, even if they others don't agree. We're all going to need each other to get through this” Clarke had a way of speaking to Lexa like they were the only two in the world. Her words resonated within her and comforted her worrying mind.

“We aren't going to be much use to anyone if we don't get some sleep” Lexa offered with a shy smile. Clarke returned it and nodded. She moved over to the bunk next to Lexa's and took off her coat and boots. Lexa took her own boots off and laid back in her bed. She turned away from Clarke and closed her eyes, trying to drift off to sleep despite her wandering mind. Too many things were going through her head.

She listened to the sounds of those still awake and tried to ignore their words. For some reason the conversations were magnified once she closed her eyes. She could make out conversations about fear and anticipation for the next several weeks of training.

The general consensus around her seemed to be that she was harmless. A few spoke of their mistrust but even those didn't think she was going to be a danger to them. She was able to make out a conversation between Octavia and Raven where they discussed how to pick her brain about TIE fighters without seeming like they wanted to be friends. Lexa smiled at this. She'd willingly teach them all they'd need to know. It was very innocent of them to worry about what others would think. She'd never been given a chance to experience that sort of innocence for herself.

Tomorrow was going to arrive whether or not she fell asleep so she pulled the thin blanket tighter around her shoulders and tried to fall asleep. The conversations died down as the rest of the group started to head off to sleep.

 

 Several weeks had passed since they began training and they were now in the advance stages of it. Lexa pushed off of the floor and let out a puff of air. Each morning started out with a rigorous workout routine that everyone dreaded but knew was necessary. Usually this wasn't an issue for Lexa but her shoulder was still healing. She pushed through the pain, knowing the only way to heal was to strengthen her body.

The others were shaping up nicely. Weeks ago she wouldn't have guessed they'd all still be here. Bellamy turned out to be a better leader than she'd imagined. He knew how to motivate and wasn't afraid to get tough with any of them. Especially Clarke and Raven, who constantly challenged his patience. She'd found herself biting back a smile at some of the things those two said. It wouldn't have been tolerated in any other unit but theirs was different somehow. Maybe it was the young commanding officers, maybe the green recruits, she wasn't sure. Whatever it was, she welcomed the change of environment.

She finished her push-ups and sat with her legs straight in front of her. She leaned forward and stretched her legs and back. Soon they would be deployed to their first mission. She'd overheard Bellamy and Anya talking about it. They wouldn't have a graduation like in a normal military setting. The pilots were going to be sent off to their squadron and the ground troops would be deployed with them.

Excitement coursed through her body. She was tired of training. The majority of the time she assisted Bellamy and Anya as they taught combat skills. Their unit would be exceptionally trained compared to the others. She was an elite soldier and her commanding officers knew it. They respected her for it and she knew that is why their unit was successful.

“Lexa, are you in there?”

 

She glanced over her shoulder and saw Clarke standing behind her. Her hands were in her pockets and she looked pretty exhausted. Fitness wasn't her strong suit. But she learned to withhold her complaints until after the sessions were through. Anya wasn't a fan of whiners. She would send them on “punishment runs”as they so fondly referred to them.

“Did you need something, Clarke?” she didn't want to stop her stretches but she didn't want to ignore Clarke either. They'd formed a pretty strong bond over their training.

“Well today is hand-to-hand training and I was wondering if you'd be my sparring partner this time? You keep choosing other people and I would like a chance to get in on that special trooper training.

Lexa sighed. She was avoiding this. She didn't want to hurt Clarke and had managed to avoid her as a sparring partner since they began a few days ago. All of her past sparring partners hated her or at least acted like they did. She didn't want to risk that with Clarke. And she'd been ignorant enough to think that Clarke wouldn't notice. Now she found herself on the spot and unable to think of a good excuse. She didn't have anyone to fall back on either.

“Okay” She wasn't going to come up with some fabricated reason why they shouldn't spar. She would just need to tone it back a notch when they eventually did spar.

Clarke was beaming at her. She really wanted to learn and Lexa didn't want to get in the way of that. The weapons they used to fight wouldn't seriously damage anyone, she just didn't like the prospect of having Clarke resent her.

“Hurry up and finish stretching. I'll meet you in the practice area” She walked away with a bit of a bounce in her step and Lexa smiled to herself. Clarke was special. Clarke was tough and she was probably just silly for worrying about her.

She finished stretching her arms out and hopped to her feet. Raven and Octavia were already sparring. They'd all become friends during their training but she knew they envied her. They didn't like her “battle-mode” as they called it when they thought she wasn't listening. To them, she became someone else entirely when she picked up a weapon or engaged in a combat situation. They didn't like that person and had trouble discerning the two outside of training.

“Lexa, over here.” She looked up and saw Clarke waving at her. Today they were training with the Z-6 riot control baton. Lexa wasn't sure how the resistance had gotten a hold of the weapons but she knew better than to ask.

Clarke was swinging one around, toying with one of the features that made the Z-6 a formidable weapon for the Order. They weren't allowed to turn the weapon on and instead were doing a dry un practice.

She picked up one of the batons from the table and looked over at Clarke who was still distracted.

“Are you ready to begin?” The words sounded clumsy coming from her mouth and it took a lot of energy to hide her fear.

Clarke nodded and dropped into a fighting stance. Lexa extended the baton and started circling the other girl, waiting to see who would make the first move. The former farmer moved in and clumsily swung the weapon at Lexa who deflected it easily and stepped aside. Clarke stumbled a bit and regained her footing. She looked determined and her temper was starting to flare up, not a good sign.

Again Lexa waited for Clarke to make a move, she wanted to figure out her partners fighting style before going in to disarm her. She watched as Clarke an at her again, this time anticipating Lexa's block. She managed to graze Lexa's side, not enough for any real damage but enough to wake her up. Clarke's eyes were wide with surprise, she hadn't expected to be the first one to make a hit. Lexa gritted her teeth and struck out, locking her baton with Clarkes.

Her original plan was to go easy on Clarke but after several minutes of sparring, she learned that she didn't have to. This girl was a lot better at this than she'd originally thought. They were almost at a stalemate, each able to anticipate the others movements. She felt a strong, unexplainable connection to Clarke and the longer they fought, the more powerful it became. It was like they could read each others emotions and predict the others movements.

She could hear the whispers of the rest of their squad who had gathered around to watch the fight. Most sparring sessions ended quickly with Lexa and the rest were probably eager to watch her fail.

“I can't believe the girlfriends are finally sparring” Octavia's whisper that wasn't much of a whisper distracted Lexa momentarily and Clarke was able to land another blow to her side. She grimaced in pain, that one hurt a lot more than she wanted to reveal. She swung at Clarke again, ready for this fight to be over.

Lexa moved in closer and didn't allow Clarke a moment to catch her breath. She put pressure on the other girl and she could see Clarke's resolve start to fade. She was growing exhausted and it was beginning to show.

A few calculated hits and Clarke was on her back, breathing heavily. Lexa started to relax a bit, figuring the fight was over. She was about to turn around and put her weapon up when larke bounced to her feet, looking pissed. Her expression was terrifying and Lexa barely had enough time to raise her baton in a block.

Except this hit was different, something else was behind it, something invisible and Lexa wasn't prepared for it. She hit the ground hard and stayed there, dazed. Clarke waited for her to respond and when she didn't the group started to congratulate her. She was the only one who'd been able to best Lexa and she looked just as shocked. Whatever happened when she struck Lexa came as just of a surprise to her.

“Going easy on a recruit because you have a soft spot isn't going to help anyone. It will make all of us weak” Bellamy's voice cut through their conversations. Lexa pushed herself off the ground and got to her feet. She was angry, still in “battle-mode' and hurt from her loss.

“I don't go easy on anyone. I've beaten everyone in this damn place.”

Her voice was uncharacteristically aggressive and the room grew silent as they watched the argument unfold. Bellamy's previously furious expression softened a bit. He could tell she wasn't lying. It returned after a moment, probably realizing he shouldn't let a subordinate talk to him like that.

She couldn't control her rage and stormed off to the barracks before she made any other mistakes. It wasn't like her to act like this and she would face the punishment later. Now she needed to cool off.

Lexa sat down on her bed and angrily untied her shoes. She heard footsteps behind her and knew it was Clarke without looking up.

“I'm sorry I blew up like that. I'm not good company right now” She tried to take the anger out of her voice. She was upset that she lost but she didn't want to throw that anger at Clarke.

“I don't know how I did that. Did you feel it? When we fought did you feel it?” She didn't explain any further but Lexa knew. They had a connection, they'd always had one but in that fight it was so powerful that Lexa found herself struggling to breath.

She nodded at Clarke who looked relieved. It wasn't imaginary. They'd both experienced it. Lexa had a small idea about it as well.

Clarke sat next to her on the bed and sighed. “Do you know what the Force is? My mom told me all about it growing up”

Again Lexa nodded. The Order taught them about the Jedi, an extinct group of force-sensitive warriors. In her lessons the Jedi were portrayed as delinquents who almost brought the galaxy to its knee's. They were all dead.

“Lexa I think we have it. I think we've always know but just not had a name for it.” Clarke looked scared. If that was true, they would be in danger. The Order didn't seem too fond of those who could wield the force. Lexa felt her heart sink a little. Part of her hoped the connection between them was something more, just not this. She looked up Clarke to get a better reading of her reaction and found her staring at the ground, lost in thought.

Something came over her and she couldn't stop herself from lightly stroking Clarke's face. She wanted to comfort her, tell her that everything would be okay even if she didn't believe it herself. Clarke looked at her, slightly confused at the intimate touch.

After a moment of silence she seemed to make some sort of decision and shifted slightly closer to Lexa. She rested her head against Lexa's shoulder and they sat in silence for what seemed like hours, taking in each others company. Lexa closed her eyes and tried to record how she felt in this moment. She hadn't been this happy in her entire life and wanted to cherish it.

Their moment was cut short by the sound of a door slamming open. Lexa jumped to her feet, feeling like she'd been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to.

Anya walked inside the barracks and crossed her arms over her chest. She looked amused but also frustrated. “Whatever issue you have, needs to be put on hold. We've got our first mission and everyone needs to get suited up. We're going to war”

Lexa felt her heart pick up and she looked over at Clarke. She could sense the anxiety coming from her friend in waves. Suddenly the prospect of battle didn't seem as exciting, now that she had so much to lose.


	5. We have no past, we won't reach back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The recruits are headed towards their first deployment as a team. A simple recon mission turns out to be a lot less harmless than originally thought.

The lack of sleep was apparent in the group. Each soldier sat with their elbows resting on their knees with only the restraints keeping them from falling out of their seats. They'd rushed straight over from practice, been dispatched into their unit and loaded directly onto the ship. 

Lexa looked to her right and noticed Clarke held her weapon with a death grip. Her anxiety was coming off in waves, this was her first real battle. She wasn't raised with detailed simulations and rigorous training schedules. This was going to be tough for her, for all of them. 

She looked around the transport ship again and wished she was able to calm her comrades. The usual humor shared between everyone was absent. This was probably a direct result of the pilots getting sent to their own squadron. 

Raven's jokes and Octavia's upbeat personality were sorely missed. They were on air support for this mission while the rest were on ground support. Harper had also joined as a pilot which left Monroe looking a little lost. The pilots were only sent for flight practice, there wasn't any real threat on this mission. 

The only one's who shared in Lexa's calm were Bellamy and Anya. They also scanned over the recruits, now soldiers, searching for any sign of a breakdown. Bellamy accidentally made eye contact with her and nodded. She was glad they were in command. It wasn't a job she wanted, not with these green kids. 

The First Order attacked another village that was sympathetic to the resistance. Jaha wanted to know about the attack and to offer any help they could. They were being sent to do recon, simple enough. A way to test the waters with their new troops. It was a minor task and yet the worry was still there. 

Pike was assigned as the officer in charge with the specifics for the mission. As soon as she'd heard the mission details, she'd had a strange feeling come over her. Something was off and she couldn't explain it any better than that. During the debrief she'd expressed this concern to her superiors. 

Unfortunately for her, Pike didn't agree with her sentiments. This was a simple recon mission, not a combat one. He didn't like the way she'd brought up her concerns and was still far from trusting. She couldn't come up with a solid reason for her worry and this had pissed him off. He accused her of knowing more than she let on and threatened to keep her on base if she kept it up. 

Bellamy, surprisingly enough, had backed her. He'd come to trust Lexa's instincts, especially given her background as a elite trooper. Anya stood with him during the argument and Pike backed down. She was their direct commanding officer and seemed to have even less patience for Pike's accusations. This was war, they needed to stand together. 

Pike wasn't on the transport vessel with them. He was on base, giving orders over the comm. There wasn't any need for someone of his rank to join them on this. 

They were en route to their destination and Lexa tried her best to squash her fears. The mission didn't worry her. She couldn't figure out what it was, no matter how hard she searched her feelings. She did feel the slightest comfort knowing they had air support, if needed. Raven's squadron was really just sent for observation purposes but she knew they could pack a punch. 

The ship rattled violently and then stopped. They'd entered the atmosphere and were starting to land. Bellamy unhooked his seat belt and stood up. He grabbed onto the overhead stabilizing strap to keep himself upright. Anya was in the cockpit, flying the ship. She addressed her troops over the intercom. 

“We are going to land in a few moments. Once those doors open, we need to be prepared for anything. Stick in a tight formation, we are going to break off into smaller groups to search the village. We're looking for survivors and gathering any intel we can.” 

It was hard to hear her over the noises coming from the engines. They made it on planet with a rough landing. Everyone scrambled to get unbuckled and in position. Lexa and Clarke were positioned near the back. It was never explicitly stated but they both knew that they were stronger as a team. That strength reflected in their training and Bellamy made sure they were together during the drop. 

The doors opened slowly and Lexa felt her heart race. She was used to watching the doors open and being thrust into the heat of a battle. They were met with an eerie silence, it wasn't often that she'd seen what remained after the Order struck.

The town had served as a fishing and boating village. It was now reduced to a pile of rubble. Debris floated in the water surrounding what used to be houses. The order had even destroyed the docks and water transport vessels. Anya motioned for them to move out and begin searching. 

Lexa split off with Clarke, Monroe and Gina to search their assigned part of the village. She knew they wouldn't find anything but kept quiet. No need to stir up any fear or disappointment among this group. 

They went inside one of the few structures that still stood and searched for any survivors. She kept her gun up with one arm and used the other to fling aside some debris. It was empty. There should've at least been some dead bodies inside but so far, nothing.

Where were the villagers? 

Something still felt off about this mission, like the threat of danger was growing. From what she could sense, Clarke felt the same way and kept shooting glances in her direction to check on her. She was beginning to become unsettled by the lack of bodies. Who contacted them, if not the villagers who were in danger? 

She turned towards the door and heard a noise that she could only describe as a squealing roar. It took her a moment to recognize it and her stomach dropped. A TIE fighter was heading towards them, readying an airstrike. 

“Hit the floor!” She yelled and gestured with her arm towards the ground. No one questioned her. 

She'd barely had enough time to cover her head when the explosions started. This mission was a trap, meant to draw out the resistance. They were trying to do as much damage as possible before they sent in ground troops to capture the remaining soldiers. It was a tactic she'd studied several times and a mission she'd even run through simulations of. She couldn't believe she hadn't recognized the signs until now. She cursed herself and vowed to not make the same mistake again, if she survived this one. 

Lexa jumped to her feet and checked on the other soldiers. No one in her party was injured but everyone looked terrified. This was their first taste of actual combat. She put a hand on Clarke's shoulder to check on her and they nodded at each other, no need for words. 

“We need to get off this planet before the ground troops land. There aren't enough of us to fight off a squadron. Let's find Anya and get our orders” She'd become the unofficial squad leader, her instincts taking over. 

An eerie calm had taken over her. She heard someone yelling outside and recognized the voice as Anya. It wasn't going to be that hard to find her after all. Her words were hard to make out so she ran outside to see what the commands were. 

Anya's face relaxed with relief when the four soldiers exited the building. She was bloody and holding her side. Her expression hardened again and she jogged towards them. They took cover behind what used to be someone's fence. Anya leaned against it heavily and sighed. Her injury was pretty substantial.

“I'm so glad to see you. I thought I'd lost my entire group. Bellamy took the other half to check the area closer to the bay. I haven't been able to find him. I'm hoping he was able to call in air support, my comm is busted.” 

As if on command, the air filled with the distinct sounds of an air battle. An X-Wing was engaged in a firefight with one of the TIE fighters. Judging from the expert flying, Lexa assumed Octavia was the pilot. More bombs were being dropped on the village but with less precision than the previous run. The other pilots had joined in on the fight and the TIE fighters were distracted. 

Lexa turned her attention back to her commanding officer, waiting for instructions. She looked exhausted, her injuries starting to get the better of her. 

“Head back to the ship, do not get on board. My guess is the first order will try to take it out and I do not want to be a sitting duck. Take cover until I give the order to get on the ship. I'm going to try to find Bellamy and any survivors” 

She began to get up and Clarke grabbed her arm in an attempt to hold her back. Anya shot her a look but didn't move. 

“You can't do that alone. Let me help you” Her voice was stern, she wasn't going to let Anya refuse. Lexa looked at Clarke and made a decision. 

“Anya, you go back to the ship with Monroe and Gina. We can find Bellamy and the others. We can handle this” 

Lexa stared directly at Anya as she said this and her commanding officer was beginning to look pissed. But she wasn't ignorant, she knew that she wasn't going to be able to be helpful to anyone in her current state. 

“Fine, but I'm putting a lot of faith into you, trooper. Meet back at the ship as soon as you can.” 

With that, Lexa stood up and looked over at Clarke. She slowly got to her feet. 

“Bellamy was heading towards the bay with eight soldiers the last time I saw him. Good luck” 

She nodded in acknowledgment and took off running. Clarke ran beside her. They needed to find Bellamy's team as quickly as possible. They didn't have enough resources for a drawn out battle. Their entire team was on its first mission and the pilots couldn't hold out forever. 

A huge explosion rang through the air and Lexa turned her attention to the skies just in time to see an X-Wing falling at an alarming speed. One of their pilots was shot down and seemed to be headed towards a crash landing on the outskirts of town. She couldn't tell who it was from this distance but every one of their group was important. No one could be left behind. But those weren't their orders. 

“Lexa, we have to go try to save them.” Clarke's voice broke her out of her concentration. It was desperate. She could tell that Lexa was making her mind up. 

“We have to find Bellamy first, that's our mission.” It pained her to say this. Clarke's expression hardened. 

“Once we have Bellamy, we will go save who ever crashed. I promise, Clarke” She didn't want her to think she was being heartless. No one was disposable and she was going to do her best to rescue the pilot, even if 

She didn't give Clarke a chance to respond before taking off towards the bay again. They weren't too far off from their destination.

As they neared the waters edge, she heard shouting again. Bellamy was dragging an injured soldier and a few battered troops followed behind him. His group was a lot smaller but at least they were still alive. Lexa didn't recognize all of the soldiers, several were added to their squadron for this deployment. 

They ran up to him and Clarke immediately began checking out the injured. Bellamy looked frazzled but not unfocused. He held his comm up to his ear, awaiting instructions. Lexa could barely make out the voice coming from the other end. It sounded like Pike and it sounded like he was enraged.

“Understood sir, I can't get a hold of them using the comm. Permission to rescue the downed pilot, sir?” 

He waited for the answer in silence. An angry voice responded and from Bellamy's expression, it wasn't what he wanted to hear. The voice was still shouting orders and Bellamy looked distracted. He wasn't listening to Pike, he was formulating his own plan. His sister was one of the pilots, there was no way he was going to leave them behind. Lexa didn't think Bellamy was the kind of leader who would leave anyone behind. 

He looked up and stared at his injured group as Pike continued to yell orders of the comm. He switched it off while their commander was mid-sentence. The ground trembled from a nearby bomb but Bellamy was unfazed, he was going to risk everything. 

“Miller, take the group back to the ship. I will comm in our location once we make it to the downed pilot. Have Anya come and get us” 

“Anya is injured, she wasn't in any condition to fly” Lexa informed him. He cursed and then turned to one of the soldiers behind him. 

“Okay, who thinks they can fly that transport ship?” 

A taller skinny kid with frightened eyes raised his hand. He was visibly shaking. Lexa didn't recognize him and wasn't too confident he could handle the task. There weren't a whole lot of other options. 

“Alright. Jasper, just get back to the ship and fly the damn thing back here. That's your only mission” 

Bellamy turned to face Clarke and Lexa. He didn't need to ask them if they were okay with going against orders. Clarke was perfectly comfortable breaking the rules and he knew Lexa would follow. 

“Let's go. The crash isn't too far from here but we need to hurry. The order will send in ground troops to collect survivors and we can not get captured” 

They took off jogging towards the spiral of smoke which indicated a crash landing. As they neared the crash Lexa could make out the distinct markings on the X-Wing. It was Raven's. 

She ran up to the cockpit without thinking. 

The correct protocol would be to make sure that there weren't any fuels leaking. A rescue was only a rescue if both parties weren't blown up. Lexa disregarded all of that because she could sense that Raven was alive and in pain. 

Clarke was right beside her and they both worked to pull the cockpit door open. It was heavily damaged and refused to budge. She remembered the way Clarke had pushed her in the training session and tried to draw on that energy. She closed her eyes and thought about how much she wanted to get the door open. After a few moments it opened with a hiss. Clarke took a slight step back, looking shocked. A weak groan broke her moment of shock and she rushed forward to help out Raven. 

Raven had her blaster out, ready to shoot. She relaxed when she recognized Clarke and even managed a cocky grin. 

“Finally, I thought I was about to be the first order's new best friend. Can you get me out of here?” 

The control panel of the ship had fallen and was crushing the pilots legs. Lexa grabbed under her arms and drug her out of the cockpit. One of her legs was busted up and Lexa could tell Raven was in more pain than she let on. 

They set her down a safe distance from the crash site. Clarke began inspecting her injuries. She pulled out a small med kit and did the best she could to patch her up. There wasn't a lot they were going to be able to do until they got back to base. 

Lexa looked over at Bellamy, not sure of what the next steps should be. He was on the comm with Anya, calling in a rescue. 

“We will hold our position. Hurry” He lowered his comm and sighed deeply. This nightmarish mission was almost over. 

The air battle had subsided. Lexa knew this wasn't a good sign. Usually this meant that the ground troops were about to deploy and air support was needed to protect their transport ships. She took a knee and tried to catch her breath. They wouldn't have to wait long for their transport ship to arrive. 

“Damn it, the first order is here. Small squadron, headed this way. My guess? They have orders to capture” Bellamy's warning woke her up. 

Lexa jumped to her feet and raised her weapon. She turned to look for their transport ship. It was only a few minutes off. The trooper squadron would be within firing distance by the time the ship arrived. They were going to cut it very close. 

“Clarke, make sure Raven is ready for transport. Lexa, we will provide cover while they get onto the ship. Once they've been loaded, you will be next. I will follow behind you” 

That was a plan Lexa wouldn't have any trouble following. She wasn't going to get on that ship until she knew Clarke was safe. 

Their ship arrived and, as expected, the troopers opened fire on them. Lexa returned fire and stood behind Clarke as she helped Raven get on board. The majority of the troopers were far enough away to not be a threat. 

One trooper ran faster than the rest and was almost on them. Lexa turned to warn Bellamy and as she did a sense of danger washed over her. The trooper fired off a shot and it was headed straight for Clarke. She was preoccupied with helping out Raven and hadn't noticed how close the troopers had gotten. 

Lexa yelled out in fear and rage. The blaster bolt froze in mid air. She could feel the vibrations from the stopped bolt run through her. Her pure emotional response held it in place. Shock snapped her out of her rage and the shot fired off harmlessly. 

The trooper was dazed for only a moment before regaining composure. They were aiming their weapon again but Lexa was too quick for them. She rushed the trooper and hit them on the side of the helmet with the butt of her rifle, shattering the visor. The trooper was incapacitated and she didn't feel like they were much of a threat so she returned to the ship. 

Bellamy was standing at the door to the ship. He did not look happy with her but he wasn't about to start an argument in the heat of a battle. She jumped on board and he followed closely behind. They barely made it on the ship when blaster fire started rocking the outer hull. 

The ship took off with a start. Lexa started to fall but Bellamy grabbed her arm. He helped her into the seat next to Clarke and walked to the cockpit of their ship, without saying a word. She could tell he had a lot to say. His anger was easy to pick up on, even without her force sensitivity. 

She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. They weren't safe yet but there wasn't anything she could do to change that. 

“Do you have a death wish?” 

She opened her eyes back and turned in her seat. Clarke was angry. She was cradling Raven's head. The pilot was laying across several seats, out cold. Lexa didn't think she was going to be able to say anything in her defense so she closed her eyes again. 

“I'm fine, Clarke.” 

She could hear Clarke let out a angry huff of air and would've smiled if their situation wasn't so dire. They'd lost almost half of their group in that mission and they hadn't accomplished anything. Except survival. 

“Can you promise me you won't do something like that again? Please” 

Lexa felt herself cringe at Clarke's voice and opened her eyes again. She was trying to keep her emotions in check but it was clear she was on the verge of tears. Lexa immediately felt guilty. She'd lost so much and must've thought she was going to lose Lexa as well. She sat back up in her seat and looked at Clarke and felt herself melt a little. 

Some of Clarke's hair had fallen in front of her face Lexa reached out to move the stray strands from her eyes. Clarke leaned into the touch and gently grabbed her hand with her own, catching Lexa a little off guard. This wasn't exactly a situation where she'd expected a moment like this. It was a moment so small but it radiated intimacy. 

“I will try to be more careful next time.” Lexa assured her. 

Clarke's mouth moved into a thin smile. “You can always start by not charging towards an entire group of troopers the next time we see them.” 

Lexa nodded and returned the smile. She looked towards the cockpit. “I don't know if that's going to happen. Pike doesn't sound too happy with us. We might get stuck cleaning the base until this war is over” 

She surveyed the remaining soldiers to figure out who they'd lost. Eight of their team had perished during the bombing runs. Only a few were injured. 

These losses hurt, Lexa realized. This wasn't something she'd ever been allowed to think. The order had a “move on and forget” policy, anyone who died wasn't good enough to be a trooper. The soldiers they lost today were heroes. They would be remembered. Not one life lost today would be written off as a weakling who just didn't make the cut. 

Her sorrow was quickly replaced with anger. She'd tried to warn Pike about this mission. If anyone was to blame it was him. He'd allowed his own personal motivations to override their safety. The recon mission was a failure and she suspected that Anya and Bellamy would get the blame. They'd gone against direct orders

The volume of the argument coming from the cockpit increased and everyone turned, hoping to understand what was going on. 

She could only make out Bellamy's voice, Anya and Jasper were silent. Somehow Anya was still conscious and Lexa admired her resilience. Her injuries were intense but she powered through them and managed to get them safely off planet. 

Several minutes of yelling passed and Bellamy stormed out of the cockpit. He slammed the door behind him and took a seat across from where Clarke and Lexa sat. He was furious so Lexa kept quiet. She didn't want that anger to get directed her way, even if she deserved it for her recklessness. 

“What did Pike say?” Monroe was the first one brave enough to speak up. 

He sat slightly hunched over, all of his concentration going towards the floorboards. Everyone sat in silence, waiting to see if he would explain anything to them. 

“Pike is upset because he did not want the pilots to engage, he didn't think they were ready.” Bellamy finally spoke up. 

“Why is Pike mad at you for that?” Monroe wasn't done asking questions. 

He chuckled and smiled bitterly. “I told him I called in the support, that it was my fault” 

No one seemed surprised by this. It was better for him to take this hit and it wouldn't have looked too good for him to admit his subordinates went against direct orders. Pike probably knew Bellamy was lying about giving the order but there wasn't much he could do to dispute that. Bellamy wasn't the kind of leader who would throw his troops under the bus. 

Lexa could tell Bellamy was struggling. He'd lost several soldiers, kids he'd trained from the very beginning. It wasn't a result of any carelessness on his part. 

The ship lurched as they made the jump into light speed. It wasn't going to take them that much longer to reach the base. Only a few moments of peace remained before they would have to deal with the consequences of their actions. 

Raven groaned and slowly opened her eyes. She was given painkillers when they'd gotten on board but there wasn't a whole lot anyone could do. Their ship wasn't outfitted with any medical equipment, it was just a simple personnel transport vehicle. 

“How are my girls and Lincoln doing? Did they take those bastards out yet?” Her voice was weak but she still attempted to put on a brave face. 

“Everyone is fine, just rest. We are almost back on base” Clarke reassured her. 

Raven sighed in relief. “Do you think I'll get a T-85 now? You know, since my other ship isn't doing so well” 

A quiet chuckle resonated throughout the ship. Raven was cracking jokes as if nothing had happened. They needed that. Moral was low and it was obvious everyone was doing their best to keep it together. 

Another lurch of the ship indicated they'd reached their destination. Lexa took a deep breath to calm herself. She was one of the ones who would have a lot to deal with when the landed. Insubordination and reckless behavior weren't tolerated in any army.


End file.
